The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
