Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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