Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize