You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize