During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize