This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
