Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
