she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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