You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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