we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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