well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
