new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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