Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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