I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
