Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
