My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just found a bag of teeth...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When are your genitals available?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
