I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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