I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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