You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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