I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
