I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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