Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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