the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
