Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize