it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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