just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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