Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
