i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
