they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just want to make out with him forever
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
