he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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