He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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