You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
