Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We are two peas in an std pod
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
