We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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