Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
