You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
