I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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