she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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