So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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