is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
