I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
