Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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