im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
