its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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