you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize