I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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