I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sex in the backyard? Check.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
