Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
