My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
