After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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