Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
