thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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