You smell like a Billy Joel song
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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