Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
