The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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