Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
