Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize