And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
ttyl tear gas
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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