Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
