all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dear god my vagina.
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