Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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