Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize