plz talk dirty to me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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