yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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