Plan B is the new Plan A
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
