After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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