She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
