im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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