I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
