he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
