If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
