you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
