Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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