Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
