i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
