I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
