Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My penis needs a shock collar
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
