there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
