something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
