McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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