last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
