Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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