I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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