You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
