he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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