Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
