I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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