i just wanna soil my oats bro
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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