I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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