And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
