my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
