The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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