I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
