Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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