Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
