she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
