would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize