Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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