I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
