I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
