I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
