I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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