Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
