sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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