i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
