Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
