it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
