Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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